Sara smile

Goodness. It's Saturday already? I'll catch up.

Thursday night was rough. I started getting a bit of a headache after ten, and by midnight, I had a full-on migraine. I'd never had one of those before. Good god. I lied on the couch barely able to move or speak for the next 7 hours. The time I spent in this state was punctuated only by using the restroom and vomiting. (Vomiting with a migraine. Very. VERY painful.) Marty slept on the couch next to me, and took care of me all night. I finally called mom around 7 am. Like the magical mom she is, she was suddenly there, holding me, massaging my head, bringing me water, telling me it would be okay. By noon, the pounding was down to a dull roar. I slipped in and out of consciousness for the rest of the day. I don't think I fully recovered until today.

Since then, I've been spending a lot of time on the couch. A bit of random pain, dizziness, fatigue and a LOT of nausea. It came to an apex today, but finally eased off this evening. Heck, I've eaten TWO meals today. That's kind of a big deal. Before, all I'd been able to get down was bread. I hesitate to think that it's uphill from here, but man, it's nice to dream.

Today was emotional for me. Up and down. Maybe it was all of the pain of the last few days combined with the seemingly unending nausea mixed with the fact that I've been stuck on a couch for most of the week, left to stew in my own thoughts.

I try to stay positive, but I'm only human. I think about death. About refractory situations. About impending infertility. About the path I'm about to go down next month. And I finally admit to myself- I'm scared. I'm so, so scared.

But it isn't about never being scared. It's about being scared as hell, and fighting anyway.