Wow. Time flies when you're taking tough classes, working more days than not and trying to have some semblance of a social life.
All things considered, I'm doing well. I've got a cold coming on, but Marty is forcing-feeding me Echinacea like a crazed homeopath, so maybe we can ward it off. My mind still feels like it's melting away or shattered into pieces or at least half-gone. I'm still not back to "normal" yet, whatever that is. I'm still having trouble with memory. Marty asked me last night what kind of a kid I was, and I honestly couldn't answer for the longest time. I could not for the life of me remember what I was like when I was younger. I settled on "Dramatic." Was I sweet? Or was I loud and obnoxious? Was I driven , low-key, pushy, fun? Was I social or was I a loner? I don't know. I hope it all comes back to me. I just read as much as I can and hope that all that knowledge puffs my shriveled little brain back up. I'm getting better with words. I'm remembering more vocabulary and applying it. I think all of the papers I've had to write this semester have helped with that.
Only two more weeks and this semester is over. I'm enrolled for 7 hours next semester, and hopefully after that, I'll go full time for two more semesters and then... graduation! That is, if I get enough grants and scholarships to get me through the year without having to work and worry about bills and groceries. I just cannot juggle full time school and working. It's just something that I know that I am unable do, or I will not only do poorly in my classes, but probably have regular panic attacks. I get overwhelmed easily, and I learned to accept that and work with it late in my college career. One neat thing that I came across when researching scholarships was one exclusively for cancer survivors under 25. I started writing the essay last week, and for the first time in I don't know how long, I sat down and wrote. Not for a blog or for school, not some paper about Don Quixote or Linguistics, but my feelings and thoughts about my experience with my diagnosis, treatment and subsequent remission and how it has shaped the way I see and do things now. I haven't gotten far on it, but I'm excited about the possibilities.
Well, homework calls. Back to reading Arabian Nights for World Lit. On the bright side, It's a wonderful book. Being an English major's not so bad.
Final note: CT scan in 10 days. Feeling nervous. If it's a "clean" scan, I want this port OUT! :)
