I had treatment today, along with a chest x-ray and office visit. The chest x-ray showed no sign of disease, which is a wonderful, wonderful development. I still have my PET scan in early April to tell me if I'm truly free of active cancer, but just knowing that nothing has been coming back (that the chemo is still working incredibly well) and that things look amazing compared to 6 months ago gives me so much hope.
God, I feel like I'm almost there. TWO MORE TREATMENTS.
At the moment, I'm incredibly nauseated and fatigued, but I'm just sipping water and trying to keep my mind off of it. I'm so incredibly ready to be done. I don't ever want to go through this again. I'm not complaining, I swear. I know that this is all part of the process. I know that I'll be healthy again. I just want to get busy living and never look back. That isn't to say I won't be thinking about this every day- every single day I wake up, I'll understand how lucky I am for this extra time. I want this to push me to be better, to not worry about failure so much and to live a healthier life full of love and happiness and nothing else, because life is short and nothing else matters.
...chemobrain has me rambling.
I guess I just feel that I need to use this experience as a catalyst to live a better life. I think any experience that makes you examine your own mortality can truly change you. You just have to let it be a positive change. No dwelling on things, no unnecessary worrying, no holding back.
Two more to go.
love you!
ReplyDelete