I got a call from St. Francis on Monday evening warning me that my white blood cell count is very low and to come in next Monday for blood work to keep an eye on it. That might explain how completely exhausted I've been. When I first began treatment, a friend of mine (whose mother had been undergoing chemo and rads) told me that the fatigue gets worse and worse throughout treatment. I didn't understand at the time, being so early in the process, how right she was.
I. Am. Tired.
Which is bearable some of the time, because all I seem to do these days (when I'm not working) is read. But dammit, there was a time when I used to go DO things. I guess I just need to quit getting stuck in what was and deal with what is.
Anyhoo. It's looking like I'm going to have to go through with this whole radiation thing. That's on my mind a lot lately, despite my not even being done with chemo yet. On one side of the radiation issue, the "pro", is that I have a greater possibility of remission (pretty much 100% with Hodgkin's Lymphoma) if I go ahead with rads. The "con" side is the long term possibility of hypothyroidism. (They would be radiating my neck and upper chest, therefor exposing my thyroid to radiation.) I like my thyroid. I've been doing a bit of research, and it turns out the thyroid is freaking important. (I know, duh.) It effects everything, most of all your metabolism, energy and memory. I don't want my thyroid to shut down. Poor little thyroid.
But on the other hand, I never want to go through this again. I don't know what I'd do if I relapsed.
My thoughts are running morbid today. I'm hopeful, but scared.
I just want to feel good again.
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