Sunshine

It's days like this that I almost forget that I'm sick.

I rush out the door without a look in the mirror, and I forget for a while about my mostly-missing eyebrows and my buzzed head, my scars and the port sticking out of my chest. I go to work, and I have my energy and positivity and my smile back. I forget about all of the scans and the bloodwork and words like "relapse" and "remission." I feel human again.

There have been days in this last month where I've given in to negativity and self-pity. I let myself dwell too much in what-ifs and should-I-haves. But right now, today, I feel like I can do this. I feel like I'm back.

Maybe it's the sun. Maybe my white blood cells are finally back up after this last treatment. Who knows. All I know is, I welcome it.

I have some routine labwork tomorrow morning, and then no treatment until March 19th. I'm not sure why they're taking an extra week between the last treatment and the next, but I figure I could use an extra week to play outside and attempt to be social before the next round of "lay in bed crippled by nausea and talk to the cat" for 4 days. On a positive note, only three more treatments left! Whoo hoo!

So, yeah. Despite the fact that I don't actually have enough energy or stamina to go play outside today, despite the swollen knees and mild peripheral neuropathy, I am in good spirits. Great spirits.

To wrap things up: in understanding how quickly life can be taken away, I've come to appreciate every moment more. Life is beautiful today. I'm one lucky girl to have gotten a bit more time to enjoy it.