a pheonix

So here is a tentative time line (this is a shortened version... I will know more as I ramble further on this journey):

On Monday, Dec. 27th, I will be getting the enlarged lymph node under my right arm surgically removed for biopsy.

If that all goes "well", I will be starting a high-dose chemotherapy called I.C.E. on January 3rd. I will get two "cycles" of this chemo, with each cycle being 3 weeks. I will be getting Neupogen shots to bring my WBC count back up after each cycle. (If you aren't familiar with these injections, they stimulate white blood cell growth in your bone marrow. I have NEVER felt pain as excruciating as this. I am not a whiner. It's like my bones are shattering and exploding from the inside. I informed the staff that I will be needing the most potent pain killers on market, I don't care the cost. They acquiesced.) After this, I will get an interim PET scan to see how well my cancer has responded.

After those cycles of I.C.E., I will begin the evaluation process at KU Med's Bone Marrow Transplant Center. If my organs look good, etc, I will have a strange looking three-pronged catheter surgically inserted into the right side of my chest. (It will be hanging out all gross like.) Soon after, I get huge doses of Neupogen, and then my stem cells are harvested from my blood through the catheter. (A machine takes the white blood cells and gives my back the red ones.) It will be around 5 hours a day for 2-3 days to harvest the cells needed. The cells are then frozen for use the next week. (In the notes I took, I labeled this the "Stem Cell Slushie.")

The next step is a different high-dose chemo that completely destroys my immune system. My white blood cell count (and therefore immunity) will be in the negatives. This part will probably suck the most. On the seventh day of this treatment, I will receive my stem cells. For the next week, I will be a skinny, hairless little thing confined to either the hospital or a bed. I am going to rock a surgical mask to minimize my chances of getting a virus or infection. I will receive transfusions, and will have my own little fanny pack full of anti-vomit drugs. Sexy, I know.

After this, I am reborn. From the ashes, my body will rebuild. As the stem cells do their magic, I will slowly feel better and build an immunity. At a hundred days post-transplant, I will have an evaluation and a PET scan. And goddamn it, I will be cancer free.

I will be a fucking warrior. I will be a two-time survivor at the age of 25. Tough as nails, full of love and light. I can conquer anything. I have the most amazing friends and family. I have my smile. I will beat this.