Friday's treatment was quick and happily uneventful.
We just did the Gemzar and Navelbine again. I go in on Tuesday for a 4-hour infusion of the drug I had a reaction to, Doxorubicin, in the hopes that a longer infusion will desensitize me. I'm nervous. The reaction I had was so incredibly scary; the feeling like I was suffocating in my own body. Panicked, helpless. I know that they'll be watching me closely, with an oxygen tank nearby. I will try again. I can do this. I'll do anything to get these tumors gone. I think of Jazz and Brandon and I know that I will and can do anything.
Speaking of which, I can feel those tumors in my neck getting smaller. What a triumphant feeling! I know I shouldn't let myself get too excited, considering the last false hope, but I'm still just happy to see a response. Any response.
I guess my body just likes that good ol' toxic chemo.
As I type, Jazz is slumbering. I'm watching his chest rise and fall on the monitor screen. I'm so thankful to have known him. No matter what happens, I'm so thankful to have had Brandon and Jazz in my life, teaching me all of those lessons I didn't know I needed to know.
I feel very sick, very fatigued, very heavy. But better than yesterday.
Please forgive the jumpy post. Foggy brain.
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