1 year post-transplant scan

...let's get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?

My one-year scan seemed to show progression of disease, and relapse was confirmed yesterday by a lymph node biopsy.

So, boom, there it is. I never saw the transplant as a cure, but I certainly had hoped that I could have gotten a bit (all right, a lot) more time before another relapse rolled around. The disease is pretty widespread, but the tumors are small, especially compared to previous relapses. My bloodwork is normal and I haven't exhibited any signs of relapse. I like to think that the disease isn't very advanced because my new immune system is still trying it's damnedest to keep these tumors in check, but just couldn't handle it completely. Big job, little white blood cells, big job. You put up a damn good fight.

I have a couple of options. Option A is Brentuximab (an immunotherapy, not as brutal as regular ol' chemo) again, which I start on Thursday. We are trying a second round of this one in the hopes that my new "more awesome but not quite awesome enough" immune system will respond more favorably this time. Then the next step(s) depend on if we get these pesky tumors under control with this therapy or not. I'm honestly just ready to do something, anything to keep fighting this. I will make whatever hard decisions I need to make later. Right now, I'm trying to keep myself together. When a piece of me falls off, Jazz glues it back on with a kiss. He is both the reason I cry and the thing that soothes my soul. He picks me flowers, puts them behind my ears, strokes my cheek, and he tells me it will be okay.

In a way, I believe him.